Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
