I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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