I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
