Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
