woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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