somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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