They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
