I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
