omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize