Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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