i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
