This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
