I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
