I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
