That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
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