im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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