I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
