i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
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