My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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