I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
