So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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