my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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