i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
