So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
