Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
