Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
