im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
