You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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