1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
he just fucked me for my cheese..
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
