dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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