he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
