I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Still dying that you shit outside
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
