you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
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