If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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