Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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