I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i already hear my dad disowning me
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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