I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
