How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize