Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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