my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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