Kiss
Puke
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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