I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
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