Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
