Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
how do you play pong handcuffed?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
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