I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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