you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
