Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
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