i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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