Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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