Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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