im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Randomize