kristin has been a bad kristin
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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