If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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