how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
