my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
