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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
