So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
