I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
