girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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