New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
