Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
