Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
