have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
