i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Randomize
