omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
