just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
