I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
