I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
