Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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