Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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