tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
