no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
